She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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