it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just found puke in my bra..
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
