So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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