is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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