i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I wish you could order shots online.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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