I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
