don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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