This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
don't judge my taste in strippers
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
