weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
