It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
