that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
