I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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