dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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