K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he fucked my hip out of place.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
