I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
