She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
