I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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