a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Vodka?
Forever.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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