If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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