i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Every concussion has its silver lining
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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