Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
