I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
