Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
