there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
