shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
