No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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