Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
