"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
