Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
