Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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