Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
