2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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