ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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