You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
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