just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
