Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
