even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
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