Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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