i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So apparently I’m into choking now
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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