rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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