Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
