i just wanna soil my oats bro
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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