Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
