Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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