My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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