Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
