Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We're too hungover to prance.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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