2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
