party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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