dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
