one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
