The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Houston, we have a squirter
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
