ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
