haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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