i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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