What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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