Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
